Archive for the Category »Personal growth «

26
Jan
How to Have a Meaningful Conversation With Yourself
Self-talk with a banana

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So you talk to yourself. Everyone does. It’s called self-talk, and it is made up of four different voices clamoring for attention in your head (see last Thursday’s post on Every Christian Has a Multiple Personality Disorder.)

To review, you have four mental voices conversing at any given time:

  1. The voice of the Holy Spirit
  2. Your new-self voice
  3. Your old-self voice
  4. Little “thought starters” thrown your way by demonic busybodies

It isn’t easy to tune into our self-talk, let alone distinguish what the current conversation is about. Our new-self usually doesn’t recognize when our old-self is dominating the conversation. In fact, we are much more comfortable with our old-self doing the talking—it feels so much like home, it feels right, and dang, it feels good.  So let’s learn a little about the party going on in our heads.

Important information about your self-talk

1. Self-talk is so automatic and inaudible that you usually don’t notice it or how it is affecting your moods and reactions to people. Do you think much about what you were telling yourself right before you got angry with someone or had a pity party? I doubt it. Because of this, your old-self thinking goes unquestioned and unchallenged.

2. One little word or mental picture can contain a whole series of memories or thoughts. For example, a simple message such as “The IRS called, ” or “Your ex came by,” can trigger a whole range of emotions and thoughts that must be unraveled to find out what you are really telling yourself.

3. When your old-self is talking, it is typically irrational and almost always sounds right until it is challenged with Scripture truth.

How to manage your self-talk

I have a hard time following a conversation on a verbal level, let alone one going on internally. *eyes cross* I’ve discovered that tuning in to self-talk takes practice—lots of practice.

It’s important that you learn to slow down and notice your internal monologue—eavesdrop on yourself. You have been operating according to your old-self for years, so it’s going to be difficult to “take your thoughts captive” (see 2 Corinthians 10:5).

1. Stop throughout the day and ask yourself what you have been thinking about, especially if you have been feeling any type of negative emotion. Identify what you have been feeling and thinking.

2. Has that inner conversation drawn you closer to the Lord and others, or has it distanced you from God and others? (Hint: distancing is bad.)

3. Ask the Holy Spirit what his opinion is on your thought processes, then listen. Closely.

4. Does your inner conversation line up with the way Scripture instructs you to conduct your thinking? (See Philippians 4:8; Ephesians 4:31; Matthew 15:18-9)

5. Challenge your old-self thinking with Scripture truth and the revelation given you by the Holy Spirit earlier. (See #3)

Your actions and reactions are tied into your inner dialogue. Therefore it would be wise to start monitoring that inner conversation and learn to govern your thought life. Your relationships, and therefore, your spiritual legacy depend on it.

For more on self-talk:

If you find your self-talk consumed with stress because of what another is, or isn’t, doing, see my post on Do You Suffer as a Mental Busybody?

If you find yourself having anxiety conversations in your head, see my post on How to Leave a Problem in God’s Hands and Not Steal It Back.

Now it’s your turn: In the comment section below, share with us what works for you in managing unhealthy self-talk.

Susan Gaddis, Helping you build your spiritual legacy

 

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19
Jan
Every Christian Has a Multiple Personality Disorder
Crazy old lady on Holy in the Daily

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I hate to have to tell you this, but you have a multiple personality disorder—an old you and a new you. I know—people have been telling you that for years, but you just didn’t want to believe it. Actually, it’s in the Bible:

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness (Ephesians 4:22—24 niv).

There you have it—you have to “put off” your old-self and “put on” your new-self. Sounds like a script for a Stephen King novel to me.

Changing your old-self into your new-self begins in your mind; in the way you think and process information. Why is this important? Well—if you don’t process information correctly, your relationships will suffer. (Just ask your spouse.)

At any given point in time you will have four voices going on inside your head and they will usually all sound like your own voice. Yes, I know—weird. These four voices make up your inner dialogue, called “self-talk.” They are:

The Holy Spirit

The Holy Spirit resides deep within your spirit and is always alert to what you are thinking and feeling. He desires to communicate and fellowship with you all the time. Although his voice will sound like your own, it will carry a note of gracious authority and will always speak according to scriptural truth. Often you won’t even hear his voice, but will sense in a moment what he is thinking or feeling.

Your “new-self”

This is the new you! This is the spirit part of you that was totally recreated at salvation and it is also the soul part of you that is being renewed in your thoughts, emotions, and will areas.

This new you thinks according to Scripture and acts like Jesus. When your new-self is in communion with the Holy Spirit, you will find God’s power working life within you and affecting all your relationships.

Your “old-self”

This is the old you that dominated your life before you came to know Christ—your old ways of thinking, feeling, and acting. You know, that ugly part of you that you’d like to forget. The truth is, your old “you” still wants to dominate!

Unfortunately, it is part of your sin nature and is connected to your body. Your old-self will be a part of you until you get rid of your body at death. So… you will be dealing with the old-self part of you for a long time.

You have to constantly treat your old-self as if it were a dead, shriveled up, ugly thing that should be buried (see Romans 6). Any part of your thought life that is still thinking according to your old-self habit patterns will work death within you and will contaminate your relationships.

Demonic voices

Sometimes a demon will throw a thought into your mind aimed at your old-self. It will usually sound like your own voice in your head, but it isn’t because it is speaking something contrary to Truth.

What you do with this “thought starter” is up to you. You can recognize it as false, rebuke it, and refuse to give it any place in your self-talk, which is an internal action of your new-self.

Or you can grab onto the thought starter and incorporate it into your inner monologue, which is what your old-self will do (bad decision). The resulting inner conversation will work death in you and in your relationships.

Let’s summarize:

  • You have four voices in your head competing for your attention at any given time.
  • The voices you ignore will eventually dim, but never completely go away.
  • The voices you pay attention to will determine your choices and actions.

So what will it be? Your new-self and the Spirit Holy, or your old-self and those pesky little demonic thought starters that can ruin your day?

Tune in next Thursday, and I’ll give you some tips for managing your self-talk.

Now it’s your turn: What’s your signal that you have given your old-self too much place in your thinking?

Susan Gaddis, Helping you build your spiritual legacy

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29
Dec
The Ten Most Popular Posts of 2011

SundialWow, another year has passed for this self-reflection junkie. I reflect, muse, consider, meditate, ponder, and ruminate so I can grow in my relationship with Jesus. If you regularly read my posts, you know I don’t have it all together, but  I share what I have learned, and am learning, through walking with the Holy in the daily.

Thanks for stopping by and listening to the musings that work their way up from my thoughts and into cyberspace. It hasn’t always been easy writing about the processes that the Spirit Holy is working inside of me. Your company has made the journey worth it. Someday in eternity future we will sit down over coffee or tea, and we’ll remember these times of growing together in Jesus. I look forward to hearing your story from start to finish. *smile and longing look*

For now, I’ve decided to take a look back at the most popular posts of 2011. These are the ones that got the most comments, page clicks, or just meant a lot to me (author privilege *grin*).

The Ten Most Popular Posts of 2011 

1. How to Leave a Problem in God’s Hands and Not Steal It Back

2. Decorate Your Home With a Godly Heritage

3. How to Respond to a Drama Queen

4. Praying Your Child Through a Difficult Time

5. 5 Tips to Avoid Morning Depression

6. How to Pray a Celtic Christian Circle Prayer

7. Five Tips to Draw Close to God When He Seems Distant

8. How to Quiet Your Inner Assumption Lawyer

9. Five Thoughts for Adjusting to an Empty Nest

10. How To Talk to Yourself When You Feel Misunderstood or Rejected

What have you learned in your God journey in 2011? Did you grow closer to Jesus? Are you in better spiritual shape entering into 2012 than you were entering 2011? Share your comments below–I’d love to hear from you.

Susan Gaddis, Helping you build your spiritual legacy

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15
Dec
Discover the Surprising Secret to Contentment


ContentmentThis week I discovered that:

* Santa has elves, but I have Target.

* If my husband really loves me, he’ll buy me a diamond from Kay Jewelers.

* If my son is going to succeed in college, he needs a MacBook Pro.

Oh really? The Christmas season could be called the “season of discontent” for many people.

Our culture thrives on discontent. A healthy economy depends on the discontent of people so they will rush out and spend money on something they don’t have that society says they really need. Advertisements are designed around discontent, and if it isn’t there, an ad will create it.

Richard Swenson comments, “Discontent has so many disadvantages one wonders why it is popular. It can suffocate freedom, leaving us in bondage to our desires. It can poison relationships with jealousy and competition. It often rewards blessing with ingratitude as we grumble.”

The book of Hebrews gives us this command and promise, “Be content with what you have, because God has said, ‘Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:5). Regardless of what kind of lack we encounter we are to be content, because God’s presence is enough.

Discontentment means that we are looking to something or someone to fulfill us other than Jesus. It is a signal that our focus in life has shifted off of the only One who can take care of us.

When we buy into discontent, we are unconsciously teaching our children, our neighbors, our co-workers, and everyone who is watching us, that Jesus isn’t enough. That’s scary!

It’s a Secret!

St. Paul tells us that contentment doesn’t come naturally. It is a secret that has to be discovered and learned, regardless of our circumstances. “I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12).

I’m not so sure I want to learn contentment. However I recently took a closer look at 1 Timothy 6:5, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” Hmmm. Seems that the only way to great gain in life is by combining godliness with contentment. Since I would like to have “great gain” in the area of my relationships, life circumstances, and within myself, I guess I’m going to have to really focus on learning contentment as I grow more and more to look like Jesus (godliness).

Contentment is not compliancy. When you are complacent, you give in to the situation. When you are content, you receive grace to create and grow. According to Titus 2:11, 12, it is grace that teaches you how to live an upright and godly life. I don’t know about you, but if Grace is the teacher, I want to be the student!

Four areas where you can learn contentment

Learn to be content with your income

G. K. Chesterton said it well, “There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and more. The other is to desire less.” Guess my desires are going have to change.

Learn to be content with your circumstances

According to St. Paul in Philippians 4:12 (mentioned above), contentment doesn’t depend on circumstances, good or bad. See 2 Corinthians 11:23-27 for a look at the circumstances Paul found himself in when he made this statement. What are you complaining about! Being miserable or unhappy are valid feelings, as long as you don’t let them dictate your life. You can be miserable and still be content.

Learn to be content with your relationships

Are you single and wishing you were married? Married and wishing you were single? Working with people that tick you off? If you are human, you will suffer dysfunctional relationships because we are all dysfunctional at some level—it’s called a “sin nature.” Get used to it. Richard Swenson has said, “God commanded contentment because he knew we would need it to anchor right relationships.”

Learn to be content with yourself

How many of us are discontented with our weight, how we look, our hair cut, or lack of hair, growing older, or ….? We all have feelings of imperfection, but we are not to be controlled by such feelings. Easier said than done—pass the grace, please.

When you choose grace, you choose contentment. It’s a choice you keep on making through every situation of life. Contentment is grace working through you and testifying to the world that Jesus is more than enough.

Want to hear the complete 35-minute message? Click this play icon to listen right from my blog, or download the message to listen to later. (You’ll need to turn your speakers on high, as the volume is rather low.)

Discover the Secret to Contentment Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

Questions:

What will you choose this Christmas? Will contentment be on your New Year’s resolution list for 2012? It is on mine. Share your thoughts by clicking on the green “comment” below.

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Susan Gaddis, Helping you build your spiritual legacy

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17
Nov
Five Ways to Avoid Holiday Expectations That Can Kill Your Joy
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Have you ever noticed that Thanksgiving and Christmas often arrive with a warm glow of emotional expectations that can kill your holiday joy? You know what I mean; each year you embrace the hope that the season will be perfect–cozy gatherings, sparkling parties, family reunions, and happiness all around–truly a season of gratitude and worship of the God who became man.

Hidden in there somewhere, waiting to emerge with a human reality check, are the arguments with family, a cranky boss, and your sister Jane’s hurt feelings.

How do you walk through this jungle of holiday craziness to make moments that count for eternity? Your kids are watching you. Coworkers are noticing how you process the not-so-joyful moments of the holidays. Even the waiter at your favorite cafe’ is “reading” you. You are living a message. What that message is depends on you.

Here are five tips to get you through the season with the peace of Jesus as your reputation.

1. This season starts with thankfulness. That is something you are to give no matter how a situation might present itself. Thankfulness is a choice you make to express gratitude to the only One who sees the whole picture and understands the end from the beginning. It is an acknowledgement that He is God and you are not. He is a good God, and he deserves to receive thanks in all things (see 1 Thessalonians 5:18). You’ll be surprised at how much an attitude of thankfulness can bring joy.

2. You aren’t in heaven yet; so don’t expect people to act like angels. Lower your expectations of what people should and shouldn’t do. This way, you’ll appreciate people for who they are and not for what they do.

3. Every family has an Uncle Scrooge. If you don’t know who that is in your family, it is probably you. Lighten up. Enjoy the giving of your heart and don’t take notice when others are not so giving.

4. Keep your focus on God’s love–a love so strong that it broke through the sin barrier to create the God-man within the womb of a woman. Let love cover a multitude of sins (see 1 Peter 4:8). Forgive, express thanks, and tap into a love beyond your capacities.

5. Make time for Jesus. An extra few minutes of prayer throughout your day sets a peaceful heart atmosphere that cushions the unexpected intrusions of life (see Philippians 4:6, 7).

Are any of these tips easy? No. Do they work? Yes. You can do this–really! Take a deep breath, know that Jesus is right beside you, and walk into the holiday season with realistic expectations and a confidence born of the Prince of Peace.

What unreal expectations have you had during the holidays, and how have you dealt with them?

Susan Gaddis

Helping you build your spiritual legacy

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10
Nov
The Lost Art of a Handwritten Thank You Note

Handwritten Thank You NoteGrandma Chris taught me the lost art of a handwritten Thank You note. At least it was becoming a lost art back then. My generation slowly got too busy to write Thank You notes and bought the ready made ones from Hallmark that only required our signature at the bottom of a nicely worded sentiment.

The current fast track Thank You expression comes in the form of an ecard, if at all. I often use ecards, but they lack the needed feel of something in your hand that spreads emotional warmth up through your arm and into your heart.

With the holidays coming there will be plenty of opportunities for handwritten Thank You notes. Gifts of hospitality and kindness deserve Thank You notes just as much as a Christmas or birthday present. Who doesn’t wear a smile when discovering a personal note mixed in with the junk mail and bills sitting in the mailbox! Receiving my little granddaughters’ handmade Thank You notes shortly after Christmas is more pleasurable than the gift itself. My daughter, Kati, is passing on the spiritual legacy of kindness that Grandma Chris handed to me.

How to write a Thank You note:

1.  Keep your supplies of Thank You notes in a handy location such as a desk drawer or near your bill collection basket. This way you can express your thanks spontaneously without the needed burden of hunting down supplies.

2.  The sooner the better is the theme when it comes to writing Thank You notes. The longer you wait, the more difficult it becomes to express your thanks with freshness and enthusiasm.

3.  Keep it short. Thank You notes are just that–notes!

4.  Enjoy yourself while you write. That tone will come through in your words and bring pleasure to the one receiving the note. I sometimes write my Thank You notes on my day off when I can enjoy my morning coffee and a few moments of quiet reflection. Other times a quick lunchtime writing binge can add a touch of humor to my notes as I take the time to enjoy the break after a busy morning at work.

5  Instead of writing, “Thank you for the Christmas gift,” you can express your gratitude more specifically. For example, “Your gift of cozy slipper socks is warming my toes as I write. Thank you for helping me survive the cold mornings in New York.”

6.  End your note with a brief sentiment and your name, such as “Blessings, Susan,” or “With love, Susan.”

Gratitude seems to be the daily expression on Facebook and Twitter this month. Maybe Ann Voskamp’s message in One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are has worked its magic into other’s hearts as it did mine–making gratitude a daily expression. Perhaps the lost art of a handwritten Thank You note will once again become an expression of gratitude in a world that has forgotten how to properly say “Thank You.”

Have you learned the lost art of a handwritten Thank You note? Who did you learn it from, and who have you passed this art on to?

Helping you build a spiritual legacy, Susan Gaddis

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27
Oct
How to Leave a Problem in God’s Hands and Not Steal It Back
thief photo on Holy in the Daily blog

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How does one put a problem in God’s hands and not steal it right back, more often than not, unintentionally? This question was asked a few weeks ago on my Author Susan Gaddis Facebook page. Who doesn’t put something in God’s care and forget to leave it there? Guilty—all of us have.

Usually when we neglect to leave a problem in God’s hands the “stealing it back” comes in the form of mental musing over the problem. You know, those anxiety conversations that we have with ourselves in our mind, act out in our imagination, and eventually spill over onto someone else’s peaceful day.

Therefore we have to catch those little though starters of doubt or anxiety before they become long conversations in our self-talk. This is what 2 Corinthians 10:5 is referring to when it tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ Jesus. Here are some tips on how to do that:

1. After you leave your problem with the Lord, tune into your self-talk throughout the day. Identify any little thought that wants to hang out with the problem you left with God. After all, this isn’t your problem any more; it is God’s—so stay out of God’s business and mind your own business.

2. Mentally grab the invading thought and hold it up against the truth of God’s Word. Quote a Scripture promise at the sneaky thought such as Psalm 138:8, “The Lord will perfect that which concerns me; Your mercy, O Lord, endures forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands” (NKJV).

3. Pray the Scripture promise, talk it over in your self-talk, and use it to rebuke the enemy if necessary. Personally, I like to find a Scripture promise for every problem that I leave with the Lord. I keep them on flip cards, which makes them easy to keep next to my bed or in my purse.

4. Put the problem behind you. Where you place your focus will determine if your mind and emotions fixate on the problem or on something more productive. See my post on How to Put Your Problems Behind You.

If the problem seems to continually follow you home—out of the Lord’s hands and into your living room—perhaps you never really left it with the Lord in the first place. Maybe you just had a discussion with God about the problem, and then you tucked the problem under your arm and left his presence. Consider spending some quality time with Jesus talking the problem over and getting all your fears, anxieties, and concerns expressed.

Emotions are real and need to be processed. So process them with the Lord before you leave the problem in his care. Then go back to #1 above and begin again. Honestly, what I’ve outlined here takes practice and doesn’t come easy. Give yourself a little grace and keep at it.

What do you do that helps you leave your problems in the Lord’s hands and not steal them back? Which of the above tips do you practice, and which one might be a new tool for your personal growth toolbox as a follower of Christ? I’d love to hear from you in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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20
Oct
How to Respond to Unacceptable Behavior

Holy in the Daily photo What do you do when other people’s choices and behavior are unacceptable to you? Recently, this question popped up on my Author Susan Gaddis Facebook page. I can relate–who doesn’t struggle internally when those around you choose unacceptable ways of living and relating. Here are a few processing steps that can help:

Identify the action that is bothering you

Try to separate the action from the person who is choosing the action. You are called to love people, even if you don’t agree with their choices or actions. In your heart and mind, separate the person from the action they are choosing. Remember, God loves you even when your performance isn’t meeting with his approval.

Decide if the action is any of your business

Usually what you get upset about is not something for which you are responsible or can control. Therefore, it is none of your business. Ask yourself, “Whose business is this?” or “Who is choosing this behavior?” If the answer is not “me,” then you are not minding your own business.

Mind your own business, and stay out of other people’s business

You have enough to deal with in governing your own self; don’t take responsibility to govern another. God has not made you to be a busybody.

Set appropriate boundaries for yourself

Although you can’t control other people’s choices and behaviors, you can set boundaries for yourself. Learn to say something like, “I am not comfortable when you do (name the behavior). Therefore, I choose to (explain the action you will take to distance yourself from their behavior.)”

For example, if your spouse or parent consistently chooses to speak to you inappropriately, you might say, “I do not like to be yelled at. When you choose to speak to me in that intense tone of voice, I will leave the room.”

If the person is your child for whom you are responsible, you might say, “I can’t hear you when you use loud, angry words. I will look forward to hearing what you have to say when you can speak in a calmer tone of voice.”

It is hard to not let what other people do or say invade our thoughts and emotions when they choose to act in ways we don’t approve of. We can so easily become a “mental busybody” by wasting emotional and mental energy on something that we have no ability to control. We cannot control other people; we can only control ourselves. This is where our focus needs to be–how can we walk in love and grace with someone we disagree with?

Cultivate love and grace

People respond to love and grace, they do not respond well to someone they feel is trying to police their actions. Put your energies into walking in love and grace and choose to not focus on what you think is wrong. This will open far more doors to communication and relationship with people, which is where you will find you have a voice in their lives. Without love and grace, you have no voice–you are only a loud, clanging cymbal (see 1 Corinthians 13).

What have you found helpful in learning to relate to people who choose behavior you don’t agree with?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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13
Oct
Quiz for Living Free of Your Past

Past, Present, and Future sign for Holy in the Daily blogAre you living free of your past? Living free of our past mistakes and immaturity is often as simple as choosing what we listen to and believe.

I recently had the Lord show me a picture of a man standing next to a cage in which a woman was sitting. I walked up and stood next to the man as he spoke to the woman. The woman seemed unaware of the man and his words, but he kept speaking.

As I listened, I realized that the man was telling the woman all the things that were wrong with her. Every once in a while, he would mention something good about the woman, but the vast majority of his comments were critical. The women continued to remain unaware of the man and his words.

Slowly I realized that the woman was me—or me five years ago. And much of what the man said was true, at least five years ago. It seemed odd, because the man would often turn to the current me to make sure I was listening to his speech to the old me in the cage.

After listening for a few minutes, I calmly walked off. The man wasn’t going to stop his verbal onslaught, but I didn’t have to stick around to listen to it. The criticisms were no longer valid as I had grown and changed much in the last five years. The woman in the cage was a memory only.

Living Free of Your Past Quiz

  1. How often do you hold yourself, or others, to things of the past that are no longer valid?
  2. Do you allow your perceptions to change as God continues to change you, and others, into his image?
  3. Do you listen to the speeches of the enemy in your head? How do you know?
  4. Do you realize that another’s negative opinion of you is not God’s opinion?
  5. Do you realize that your judgment of another is not God’s judgment?
  6. Can you allow others to judge you falsely and not let their judgments dictate who you are?

Are you the man or the woman in the picture? Can you walk away from the cage and the accuser to live the life God is currently giving you? After musing on this picture for awhile, I found I had been both the man and the woman at different times in my life. How about you? Share your thoughts in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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29
Sep
Five Tips to Draw Close to God When He Seems Distant

Holy in the Daily photoMignon McLaughlin wrote, “The young do not need God and the old cannot find him.”

Feeling distant from God can have many origins, but it’s what we do about the distance that determines how long that feeling will last. Chances are either you or someone you know, struggles with drawing close to God. It happens to all of us and often we don’t know what to do, or what to advise, to feel close to God again.

During my years of ministry, I’ve come up with the following five tips to help those who feel God is off their radar. I hope you find them helpful.

Five Tips to Draw Close to God 

   

1.  Where were you spiritually the last time you felt close to God? What did you do then in your relationship with Jesus that you are not doing now? Begin doing those things again (see Revelation 2:4,5).

2.  Identify your fears and anxieties—these often overwhelm our thoughts and cause God to be pushed into the background. Meet with a godly friend, pastor, or trusted Christian counselor to process your anxieties before the Lord.

3.  Practice self care by treating yourself to some “Jesus and Me” time with a quiet walk or an hour alone with God and your thoughts in a quiet coffee shop. I’ve found that a massage or pedicure works great to relax my spirit and draw me back into a quiet place with Jesus.

4.  Are you walking in obedience to what God has already told you to do? If not, change your direction and obey. Disobedience causes us to feel distant from God.

5.  Malcolm de Chazal said, “We always keep God waiting while we admit more importunate suitors.” Where are you investing your time? Eliminate some time drainers and begin to engage in worship, prayer, reading the Psalms, and hanging out with other followers of Christ.

No one said it would be easy. A relationship with God, like any other relationship, takes intentional action on our part, even if all we do is decide to sit at the feet of Jesus and wait.

What have you found helpful for those times when you need to draw close to God? What has worked for you?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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