Archive for the Category »Personal growth «

08
Sep
Finding Your Way Through Personality Clashes and Opinion Differences
Susan Gaddis

Have you ever had a work or social situation where one person stood out as “difficult”? You know the kind I mean–your opinion is always minimized and you just can’t seem to warm up to this person’s personality.

Sometimes these people pass through our lives quickly. Often they remain. Either way, they provide us opportunities to grow in our people skills and boundary-setting techniques.

Be encouraged—personality clashes and opinion differences are normal. If everyone got along there would be no need for the Bible and its stories of ordinary people experiencing frustration with one another.

In the New Testament, Paul and John Mark fit this description. Something happened in their relationship or in their definition of Paul’s mission that caused a breach. We know it wasn’t serious sin, such as immorality or slander on John Mark’s side, or Paul would have applied Matthew 18 to the problem with John Mark. Instead, Paul simply asked John Mark to not be a part of his ministry.

Barnabas disagreed with Paul concerning John Mark and also quit traveling with Paul’s ministry because of his views. One has the feeling from Scripture that this was an “agree to disagree” parting. Later, Paul changed his mind about John Mark and requested his participation in Paul’s Gentile ministry.

Personality clashes are not sin—how they are expressed can be. In an agree to disagree parting, it is important that grace and respect be the flow of the disagreement. If things have been processed improperly, then repentance and forgiveness are necessary. However, one doesn’t have to repent or forgive for their personal opinion. Unity doesn’t mean that we have to agree about everything!

People will always be a part of our lives or else we each wouldn’t have much of a life. How we handle the personality clashes and opinion differences that come with living in a people populated world will vary depending on our level of maturity and willingness to process such things in a godly manner. Repentance, forgiveness, and extending grace continue to be part of the kingdom culture we learn and practice on a daily basis.

What have you found to be helpful in dealing with personality clashes and opinion differences? (Leave your opinionated comments in the comment section below or click on the blue comment link.)

This post is taken from my book, Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: At work, Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , ,
06
Sep
How Not to Avoid Trouble!
Susan Gaddis

In the 1930’s an Australian man took stock of his world and foresaw war on the horizon. He believed that Europe would soon be consumed in a great battle with many nations participating. As he studied world events, nation after nation was eliminated as a safe refuge, including Australia.

No place seemed to offer the supplies of water, food, and remoteness needed to be secure in the fast approaching tide of war. Finally, after much research and investigation, the man found an island remote enough to guarantee his safety. In the summer of 1939 he finally moved to the little known island of Guadalcanal.

This is one of the many true stories told in James A. Michener’s book, Rascals in Paradise, of people who sought to escape to an island paradise . I don’t think we’re much different. We want our lives to be safe, secure and without trouble. Yet, sometimes trouble lands on our front door no matter where we live—as the Australian found out during WWII.

I don’t think the issue is how to avoid trouble, but how do we respond when trouble arrives. Nor is the question, Where is God when I’m in trouble? The question is really, What is God like when I’m in trouble? I hope we can say with Paul that God is living full scale in us for all the world to see.

“If you only look at us, you might well miss the brightness. We carry this precious message around in the unadorned clay pots of our ordinary lives. That’s to prevent anyone from confusing God’s incomparable power with us. As it is, there’s not much chance of that. You know for yourselves that we’re not much to look at.

We’ve been surrounded and battered by troubles, but we’re not demoralized; we’re not sure what to do, but we know that God knows what to do; we’ve been spiritually terrorized, but God hasn’t left our side; we’ve been thrown down, but we haven’t broken. What they did to Jesus, they do to us—trial and torture, mockery and murder; what Jesus did among them, he does in us—he lives!” (2 Corinthians 4:7-11 The Message Bible).

How do you respond to trouble? How are you learning that God is your safe refuge in the midst of any storm? What does it feel like to have God living in you when your world seems to be falling apart? I’d love to hear your input on some of these questions in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Personal growth  Tags: , , , , , , ,
03
Sep
Poop, People, and Looking Like Jesus
Susan Gaddis

People are not the cleanest of beings. They tend to make messes throughout their lives and living with them isn’t always fun or necessarily easy.

The other day I came across several Scripture passages that immediately triggered two memories—Psalm 51:7, “Scrub away my guilt, soak out my sins in your laundry” (Message Bible), and John 13—the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet and then instructing them to wash one another’s feet.

Memories flooded up as often happens during my morning devotionals. The first visual that popped into my mind was of walking into the bedroom of one of my small children and finding her crib smeared with the remains of a very dirty diaper. Like a princess, this smiling toddler sat in her crib equally covered with the remains of the same diaper.

The second visual was of my dad sleeping in the facility where he eventually died. He looked peaceful and comfortable in his clean pajamas and fresh bed linens. Dad had people who cared for his messes, and I was very thankful.

From birth to death I will continue to make messes for God to clean up. Some of those messes are a result of my learning about life just as my toddler was exploring her world and my dad was learning to let go of his. Other messes are more grown up, which makes them without excuse. Either way, it is God who cleans me up and his family who helps to scrub my dirty laundry and my dirty feet.

How good are you with cleaning up people’s poop and washing their feet? Not a real tidy question, but a necessary one to ask. If you want to look like Jesus, ya gotta get into the messes of people’s lives. Care to comment?

Oh, if you are wondering which of my six children was the toddler in this story, you can check her out at: www.mchristineweber.com.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , ,
27
Aug
Honoring the Life God Has Given You
Susan Gaddis

Recently I visited my cousin Polly and stepped into the spacious bathroom that once belonged to Grandma Chris. Close by was Grandpa Ivan’s bathroom—connected by a little room where the toilet reigned. The scent of lavender was gone, but since Polly lives in this old adobe ranch house, she has maintained the rustic, yet rich, feel of the 50 year old place.

Grandma’s bathroom caught my attention because it instantly brought back memories of how Grandma honored herself and the life she had been given. This bathroom was totally hers. One of my favorite memories is taking a bubble bath with lavender soap and scrubbing my nails with her little nail brush. I haven’t seen one of those nail brushes in years, but there was always one at Grandma’s, and you always scrubbed your nails while taking a lavender bubble bath. 

I’ve thought a lot about honor after having celebrated 35 years of ministry in the same church and honoring the lives of my parents as each transitioned from earth to Home. We tend to honor other people with appropriate cards and gifts at certain times of the year and especially at their death. But how often do we take the time to honor ourselves and the life God has given us?

I’m not talking about excuses for self indulgence or vanities, but simple, honest ways of honoring the special gifts that God has placed within the life we each live and the person we have become. When we honor something about ourselves, we are saying, “This is good about me and my life. I’m going to take care of it, treasure it, and enjoy it. Thank you, Lord, for creating me.”

I honor who I am by getting my hair cut and colored. I’ve always been a red head and have decided that I will follow my mother’s lead and get my hair done on a regular basis. My mother never missed her weekly appointment with the hair dresser until the week she died. She was the softest, sweetest, little old silver haired woman I’ve ever known.

So, being thankful for the head of hair I have, I keep a regular monthly appointment with my awesome hair stylist, Kris. In this way, I honor the God who gave me something special—my hair. (And yes, I do know that someday I will have to switch to gray, but that time has not yet come.)

My husband, Tom, heads to the gym three times a week. Sometimes he swims. Often he endures the treadmill and weights. This ritual is one of his ways to honor the life God has given him.

How do you honor who you are and the life God has given you? What is there about your life that says, “This is good about me. I’m going to take care of it, treasure it, and enjoy it”? What will your grandchildren remember about the way you honored the person God created you to be and the life you lived as a result?

Your thoughts, answers, comments and lavender soap are encouraged. Leave the former in the comment section below and save the lavender soap for my next birthday. 

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Daily, Personal growth, Spirit Rituals  Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
25
Aug
Warning: Stress Can Steal Your Sanity
Susan Gaddis

I used to blame my painful stress levels on external events and obligations piling up on my desk. I now know that the stress causing my blood pressure to rise is my internal reaction to such events.

My internal stress is caused by:

1. My self-imposed sense of obligation to complete assigned, assumed, or volunteered for tasks.

2. My inability to say, “I’m not able to do that,” because my dad always told me I could do anything I set my mind to.

3. My failure to set boundaries on my work—I enjoy what I do and I’m pretty good at it.

4. My need for the feeling of accomplishment that comes with projects completed.

Even the discouraging events in my life that cause stress, such as the decline and death of my parents or the struggles my kids and friends go through, pull out more than compassion in me:

I carry a sense of obligation to fix a situation so another will be free of pain.

I’m internally a teacher, so I tend to teach others how to handle life rather than let them experience life.

I want to control my external world—my world gets uncomfortable when the messes of others collide with my world.

I don’t think this is a pride issue as much as it is one of obligation—self obligation. Most of my stress comes from self-imposed obligations and it is mostly internal.

Here’s what I have been learning over the past few years:

1. I need to be honest and practical about what I can and can’t do within the boundaries of my work hours and then live within those boundaries. Working overtime steals time from other important things in my life.

2. I don’t have to be available to others, even family, 24/7.

3. I need to be content with things left undone.

4. I need to let others live in their pain without feeling obligated to relieve the pain.

5. I need to remember that just because someone wants to put an obligation on me, I don’t have to pick it up.

6. I need to remember that I can’t control my external world, only my internal world.

7. I need to spend more quiet time with the Lord at the beginning and ending of each day.

In reading over the above list, I realized that Jesus practiced all of these things. No one ever experienced such external stress as Jesus. Yet Jesus never experienced worry, anxiety, burnout or other symptoms of internal stress. Spending time with him and reading the Scriptures can teach me more than anything else about dealing with stress.

What have you learned about external and internal stress and how do you handle your internal stress load?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

(If you found this post helpful, please pass it along via email, Twitter, or Facebook—just click on one of the icons at the very bottom of the blog post.)

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Category: At work, Personal growth  Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,
23
Aug
Blood, Guts, and Authenticity
Susan Gaddis

Around 1,000 years ago, Viking Leif Ericson landed on the east coast of North America and began a colony called Vineland. Although the Vikings were fierce warriors, they had a difficult time with the Native Americans.

The Vikings were confused by the Indians and believed that they were often demons in disguise. The problem of distinguishing a real Indian from a demon was simple: Authenticity was established by blood. A real Indian would bleed when stabbed while a demon would disappear.

We can verify a Christian with a similar test of authenticity. When a Christian is “stabbed,” he bleeds love. This is especially true when wounded by other believers. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34–35 niv).

Love is the core of Christianity. Everything we do must represent the love demonstrated by God towards us. This means that we should be genuine in our relationships. No masks, facades, or pretenses. We are to be authentic with each other.

Authenticity contains the idea of humility and honesty in how we present ourselves and how we respond to others. We are to be people experiencing the ongoing transformation of God’s Spirit, Word, and truth conforming us into His image.

Blood and guts questions:
  1. How does the aspect of bleeding love differ from the way we have been trained by our culture to respond to “stabbings”?
  2. What emotions and attitudes bleed out of you when stabbed emotionally by another? How would the people you live and work with answer this question about you?
  3. How can you authentically bleed love when your attacker needs to be confronted?

I invite you to leave your knives, swords, guns, answers, comments, and insights in the blue comment link below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

This post is reprinted from my book, “Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity!”

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Category: Personal growth, Relationships, The Backward Kingdom  Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
20
Aug
4 Tips on How to Get to Know the God of the Possible
Susan Gaddis

Someone once said that a rut is simply a grave with both ends knocked out. Many of us end up in such ruts when we get trapped in old habit patterns and ways of thinking. Then we wonder why our lives seem boring or hopeless.

In their book, The Art of Possibility, Rosamund and Benjamine Zander state, “Every problem, everything hindering us from pursuing our dream only appears unsolvable inside a particular frame or point of view. Enlarge the box, or create another frame around the data, and problems vanish, while new opportunities appear.”

Most of us have lived with our view of God for so long that we find it hard to enlarge our “God box.” Yet God is the creator of the universe, and He continues to create. He is the God of possibilities and promise. His perspective of our life and the possibilities before us is so much bigger than what we currently perceive. So how do we climb out of our box-like grave rut and see the vastness of the possibilities set before us by our living God?

Here are 4 tips:

1.  Read again the stories of the Bible and the God of the Bible. Note the “ruts” people found themselves in and how new possibilities opened up before them when they focused their eyes on God instead of the sides of their ruts.

2.  Change your expectations and look for possibilities in places you previously ignored. The Zanders tell the story of four young men who sat by the bedside of their dying father.

“The old man, with his last breath, tells them there is a huge treasure buried in the family fields. The sons crowd around him crying, ‘Where, where?’ but it is too late. The day after the funeral and for many days to come, the young men go out with their picks and shovels and turn the soil, digging deeply into the ground from one end of each field to the other. They find nothing and, bitterly disappointed, abandon the search. The next season the farm has its best harvest ever.”

3. Replace your negative thinking and self talk with the promises of God found throughout the Bible. Pray those promises back to the God who gave them.

4. Commit your dreams and problems to the Lord. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen” (Ephesians 3:19-21).

What have you discovered about the God of the possible? I’d love to hear your comments. (Click on the blue comment link at the bottom of this post.)

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Brain overhaul, Personal growth  Tags: , , , , , , ,
09
Aug
Is Your Home a Thin Place?
Susan Gaddis

I live in a typical American small town with my house located in what used to be a rural part of our community. This house is situated so that large picture windows overlook oak covered hills off of our back deck, which is an extension of our living room. Highway 101 is my immediate neighbor across the street. During the weeks of the popular California Mid State Fair, just up the highway from us, the traffic noise can last until 2:00 in the morning.

This seems an odd location for a girl raised on a ranch—on one side I view the hills and quiet meadows, and on the other side, I view a steady parade of big rigs, RVs, and lots of cars. Obviously, I spend more time on the back deck than on the front porch. Yet, this is where God has placed me to live the life he has given me, and for that I am grateful.

This is the house where I have raised our six children, battled my private demons, and is the main spot of earth where God has shaped me. I can be fully human here—the good, bad, and ugly in me all meet here with the God who became human. This house has become my “thin place”—a sacred place where heaven and earth connect.

I think for a house to become such a place, a thin place, there has to the element of “real”—raw living that faces the struggles of life not with strength, but with the grace of God that teaches and molds us into his image—one living, eternal cell at a time.

Maybe becoming a thin place includes living in one location long enough to have the “real” permeate the foundations, walls, and rafters of the house. I’m not sure about that, but I wonder. Anyway, I’m glad walls can’t talk.

There have been many times in the past when I have wanted to move away—leave the bad memories along with the good—if it would help take pain away. But pain signals the need for healing and bad memories can become landmarks of the work of God in my life if I’m willing to go through the pain rather than escape it. This house has seen a lot of laughter, but a lot of pain and healing too. The laughter over shadows the pain and leaves a residue of joy.

Is your home a thin place? Has the element of “real” carried you through the painful times to where heaven and earth connect? Does your house contain the decorations of the Spirit obtained through time and struggle? Has your house become a home—a habitation for the God who became human?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Celtic Christianity, Personal growth  Tags: , , , ,
06
Aug
How Clear Are Your Perceptions?
Susan Gaddis

Joe and Carol moved into their first home in a lovely, old Sacramento neighborhood. All around them the restored houses displayed their manicured yards and stately porches. As with most couples, Carol was very proud of their new surroundings and their ability to afford such a treasured home.

One morning while they were eating breakfast, Carol saw her neighbor, Sally, hanging the wash outside.

“That laundry isn’t very clean,” Carol commented. “Sally doesn’t know how to properly wash clothes. I’ll bet she’s using cheap laundry soap.” Joe looked on, but didn’t say anything.

Every time Sally would hang her wash to dry, Carol would make the same comments.

A month later, Carol was surprised to see nice clean laundry hanging on the line and said to Joe, “Look, Sally has finally learned how to wash clothes. I wonder who taught her how?”

Joe replied, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.”

Sound familiar? Many times, our perceptions mirror our dirty windows more than they do our neighbor’s dirty laundry.

Finding the Holy in the daily requires keeping our interior windows clean. How’s your window washing going lately?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Daily chores, Humor, Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , ,
30
Jul
How High Is Your God Awareness Level?
Susan Gaddis

In his book Everything Belongs, Richard Rohr says, “We cannot attain the presence of God because we’re already totally in the presence of God. What’s absent is awareness.”

Ouch! I’ve been pondering what it is that keeps me from the awareness of God, and I’ve come up with 3 things that make me oblivious to God at any given moment of my day.

Caught in the “shoulds”

We all tend to get frustrated when life is not what it should be, people are not behaving as they should be, and our agenda isn’t coming together as it should be. When our minds are occupied with what should be, we lose our ability to recognize God in a situation. Focusing on the possibilities, instead of the “shoulds,” influences how we view God and his abilities. Our God awareness level goes up.

Caught in assumptions

How often do we make quick decisions without gathering the facts to base our decisions on? So often we make up our minds without asking questions, or we neglect to seek information from different sources concerning a situation. We do this without even realizing it—assumptions about people, assumptions about work, and assumptions about the church we attend. Making assumptions limits and often distorts our view of God’s workings in a situation. Focusing on the facts removes assumptions. Our God awareness level goes up.

Caught in an emotional overload

Grief, anger, and despair feel so intense they overwhelm our awareness of God. We want relief, and we seek it through escaping the situation or going into denial mode. Yet, Jesus is in the midst of the storm—calming it or enduring it with us. When we choose to stay with our emotional moments in a healthy way, our God awareness level goes up.

These are only 3 things that affect my God awareness, and, yes, there are many more to work on. But enough about me, what things do you do to keep your God awareness high? (Click on the blue comment link at the bottom of this post to leave  your words of wisdom for us.)

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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