Tag-Archive for » church relationships «

25
Mar
How to Silence a Church Gossip

I know you’ve met one of these—the church gossip who crosses boundaries by sharing information that is none of his or her business—usually under the guise of “this is just something for you to pray about.”  Recently I rediscovered a story in my illustration file, and even though I don’t know who first suggested this tactic, I just had to share it with you. I think it is the perfect answer for how to silence a church gossip:

The church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church’s morals kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several church members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being drunk after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon.

She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away.  He didn’t explain, defend, or deny; he said nothing. Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of her house—and left it there—all night.

I certainly don’t want to be a gossip, but I wonder how often I have listened to gossip and not challenged the speaker? I’m sure most of us do not spread gossip, but we sure enjoy listening to it. Why else would Entertainment Tonight be such a popular TV show? Guilty here! What is it that causes us to enjoy listening to other people’s difficulties?

“Listening to gossip is like eating cheap candy; do you really want junk like that in your belly” (Proverbs 18:8 The Message)?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Comments? Questions? Gossip?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Daily, Humor, Relationships  Tags: , , , , ,
17
Sep
Ouch, That Hurt!–Understanding and Dealing With Offense

Tom and I had been involved in ministry only a few years when I experienced the betrayal of a friend from church. “You know I wouldn’t say this if I didn’t love you,” was her introduction to a very destructive avalanche of criticism. It came as quite a shock, as I had naively believed that Christians didn’t do this type of thing.

Hurt beyond understanding, I pulled away from people and hibernated within the confines of just motherhood duties. L.I.F.E. Bible College had not prepared me for this type of wound. Confused, I began to search the Scriptures for instructions on how I was supposed to process this pain. There had to be answers somewhere within the pages of the 66 books of the Bible.

Slowly, over nine months, my notebooks were filled with Scripture passages related to offense. I began to experience healing as God’s Word was applied. I learned more in the process than I had bargained for, as God wanted to address further arenas than just my hurt feelings. Categories emerged that addressed all aspects of offense. This chapter and the next are the result of those nine months of study. Of course, it is taking years for me to actually put all this stuff into practice, but the results in my relationships have been well worth the effort.

All of us have had our feelings hurt at some point or another. Even Paul and Barnabas had their very verbal disagreements in the midst of missionary service, so we are in good company. In the book of Acts, the first deacon board was formed for the specific purpose of dealing with a group of widows who were offended because their needs weren’t being met by the church. So, hurt feelings, disagreements, and people getting upset have been a part of church life for a very long time! First Corinthians 11:17–19 addresses this problem.

But in giving this instruction, I do not praise you, because you come together not for the better but for the worse. For, in the first place, when you come together as a church, I hear that divisions exist among you; and in part, I believe it. For there must also be factions among you, in order that those who are approved may have become evident among you (NASB, italics mine).

God allows disunity and division among His people so that it will reveal those who know how to rightly process conflict and those who don’t! People who handle offenses with scriptural integrity are those who are more qualified and approved for leadership in the kingdom of God. Leaders will be recognized by their ability to wisely handle disagreements and strife in their own relationships, as well as in the corporate body.

Few churches follow this process for evaluating possible leadership, but it is one of the main qualifiers set down in the Word of God. Understanding how to deal with offense is crucial to all mature relationships in the kingdom.

So begins Chapter 5 in my book Help, I’m Stuck With These People for the Rest of Eternity! The chapter discusses how to understand and prevent offense, while Chapter 6 provides Scriptural instructions on how to respond to offense. Care to learn more?

To purchase this book, visit our Eternal Foundations Store.

This week I’m having a Book Giveaway of 2 free copies of this book and I’d love to have you participate. The winner will be announced on Monday, September 20th. Click here to find out all the details of how to enter and to read all of Chapter 5.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
13
Sep
“Help, I’m Stuck With These People . . . .” Book Giveaway!

A pastor once said that ministry and church life would be great if it wasn’t for the people. Others have said the same thing about church leaders. Because we are people who are stuck together for the rest of eternity, we might as well get used to it and learn how to properly relate to each other here and now!

Today I’m trying something new and having a book giveaway! Read on to find out all the details of how you can win a copy of my latest book, Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity!

Are you like most of us who are looking for:

  • Long-lasting friendships?
  • Offense-free relationships?
  • More positive and enriching church experiences?
  • Confidence in our worth and identity in Christ?
  • Better communication with others?
  • Church leaders who know how to lead well?

 

Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity! is the book I wish I had read before Tom and I went into ministry 35 years ago. Instead, I had to live it to learn it and then write about it. Birthed out of the mistakes made and lessons learned, this book provides practical, scriptural guidance along with real life stories to help you build healthier relationships. 

User-friendly and easy to read, Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity! will enable you to live peaceably with those nice and not-so-nice folks in your life. You’ll find biblical help to identify, process, and resolve relationship issues. Each chapter concludes with application questions to assist folks toward relational maturity. Designed for personal growth, this book is also excellent for Bible study groups, leadership development, ministry training, and home groups.

Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity! offers:

  • Real-life stories to help you build healthier relationships with others
  • Practical, scriptural advice for healing past wounds and injustices
  • Tips for improving communication skills
  • Proven techniques for making church a “safe place”
  • Strategies for living peaceably with difficult people
  • Biblical insight to help identify, process, and resolve relationship issues
  • Leadership definitions including “Attila the Hun” and “Christ the Shepherd” styles of authority
  • Practical suggestions for encouraging others during tough times
  • Charts and exercises to promote personal growth
  • Application questions at the end of each chapter

Click here for an excerpt.

To purchase this book, click here!

And Now for the Book Giveaway!!!!

Because I am so excited to share this book with you, I’m giving away two copies. Anyone can take part in this contest—even if you live outside the U.S. This contest is open until midnight, Sunday, September 19th at which time I’ll randomly choose the two winners from the highest scoring contestants and announce them on Monday, September 20th on my Holy in the Daily blog.

Here’s how to enter: Leave a comment at the end of this post telling me which Holy in the Daily blog post was helpful to you (choose only one). Please be sure your name is connected to a valid email address or else be sure to check back on this blog on Monday, September 20th in case you win!

Earn extra bonus points and more chances to win by doing the following (each one counts as ONE entry):

1. Sign up to receive the Holy in the Daily posts by either RSS feed or email if you haven’t already (see the subscription section in the top right sidebar.) If you already have subscribed, that counts!

2. “Like” my Author Susan Gaddis Facebook page (click here). (Among other things, each morning you’ll receive a Holy in the Daily tip of the day.) If you are already a “like” person on my author page or don’t live on Facebook, proceed to #3.

3. Invite your friends to join the contest by clicking one of the Share and Enjoy icons below this post to share it with a comment via email, Twitter, Facebook, StumbleUpon, or Linkedin.

For bonus entries, PLEASE come back and leave an additional comment at the end of this post telling me what you did. (I know it is a pain to re-comment, but participating this way will make it easier for me to tally up each person’s score and selecting two winners. Thanks!)

Don’t forget–the winners will be announced on Monday, September 20th. Thanks for participating! This Giveaway is now closed. Thanks to all who responded!

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Book Review, Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , , , ,
23
Aug
Blood, Guts, and Authenticity

Around 1,000 years ago, Viking Leif Ericson landed on the east coast of North America and began a colony called Vineland. Although the Vikings were fierce warriors, they had a difficult time with the Native Americans.

The Vikings were confused by the Indians and believed that they were often demons in disguise. The problem of distinguishing a real Indian from a demon was simple: Authenticity was established by blood. A real Indian would bleed when stabbed while a demon would disappear.

We can verify a Christian with a similar test of authenticity. When a Christian is “stabbed,” he bleeds love. This is especially true when wounded by other believers. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another” (John 13:34–35 niv).

Love is the core of Christianity. Everything we do must represent the love demonstrated by God towards us. This means that we should be genuine in our relationships. No masks, facades, or pretenses. We are to be authentic with each other.

Authenticity contains the idea of humility and honesty in how we present ourselves and how we respond to others. We are to be people experiencing the ongoing transformation of God’s Spirit, Word, and truth conforming us into His image.

Blood and guts questions:
  1. How does the aspect of bleeding love differ from the way we have been trained by our culture to respond to “stabbings”?
  2. What emotions and attitudes bleed out of you when stabbed emotionally by another? How would the people you live and work with answer this question about you?
  3. How can you authentically bleed love when your attacker needs to be confronted?

I invite you to leave your knives, swords, guns, answers, comments, and insights in the blue comment link below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

This post is reprinted from my book, “Help, I’m Stuck With These People For the Rest of Eternity!”

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