Tag-Archive for » Relationships «

25
Jun
Who Resides In the Margins of Your Life?

Do you ever notice the people who reside in the margins of your life–the elderly neighbor, the homeless guy with the sign standing at the side of the intersection, or the girl with acne bagging your groceries? There are folks we barely acknowledge at work, the gym, or even church.

Why, I wonder, do certain people draw my attention and others are pushed to the side in my mental overview of a room? I think Emily Sander got it right when she said, “Safety in a community gets defined by how the most marginal person in the community is treated. We all believe that if people could see into our hearts and know who we really are, we too might be rejected, so we notice how those at the margins are welcomed.”

Here’s a test to see how well you welcome  the marginal people who occupy the borders of your life:

1. What are the names of the children of your least known neighbor? How many houses down from you does this family live?

2. Who always sits on the back row at church and why?

3. Who struggles with a serious health issue at your workplace or at your church? When did you last talk with them? What did you talk about?

4. Name three single moms you know who struggle raising their kids. How might you encourage them?

5. What is your mailman’s name?

Who are the marginal people in your life, and how are you treating them?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Daily, My village  Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
10
May
Have You Heard the Latest God Gossip?

What’s the latest God gossip? That’s one question you never hear voiced around the water cooler at work! Yet, God keeps a journal of all the things we talk about concerning him.

One of the heavenly scribes jots our name and our God gossip down in God’s Book of Remembrance. “Then those who feared the Lord talked with each other, and the Lord listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the Lord and honored his name” (Malachi 3:16 NIV).

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I wince when I think about that journal:

  • Is there much written next to my name?
  • What did I say?
  • Did it sound like I even knew what I was talking about?
  • Dang, if I knew he was taking notes, I would have said more!
 

Thankfully the bad gossip doesn’t end up in God’s journal. He only writes down the good stuff—the stuff of grace. Funny how much our mouth contributes to the Holy in our daily. “My mouth shall recount your mighty acts and saving deeds all day long; though I cannot know the number of them” (Psalm 71:15).

What’s your God gossip today? What has God been up to that you have heard about, and how much of that information have you passed on to others?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: At work, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , , ,
16
Apr
Warning: Your Work Can Kill Your Relationships

Is your work killing your relationships? Sometimes our values revolve around our business more than our community, yet the most important things in life can’t be bought, bargained for, or traded. Therefore, the reason we work should be to give value and meaning to the relationships we treasure.

In his book, The Reflective Life, Ken Gire retells a story from The Gospel of the Redman of an old Indian selling twenty strings of onions in the ancient market of Mexico City.

An American from Chicago came up and asked the Indian how much it would cost to buy a string of onions. The Indian replied that it would cost ten cents. The American wondered how much two strings would cost and twenty cents was the Indian’s reply. Three strings would cost thirty cents. The American then asked the price for all twenty strings to which the Indian stated that he wouldn’t sell all twenty strings.

“Why not?” said the American. “Aren’t you here to sell your onions?”

“No,” replied the Indian. “I am here to live my life. I love this market place. I love the crowds and the red serapes. I love the sunlight and the waving palmettos. I love to have Pedro and Luis come by and say: ‘Buenos dias’ . . . and talk about the babies and the crops. I love to see my friends. That is my life. For that I sit here all day and sell my twenty strings of onions. But if I sell all my onions to one customer, then is my day ended. I have lost my life that I love—and that I will not do.”

How about you? Are you living your life in such a way that relationships are valued above business? Does your work give meaning to the relationships you treasure?

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: At work, Relationships  Tags: , , , , ,
19
Mar
Beautifully Imperfect

Don’t miss the Holy in the imperfect. This short clip pulls back the curtain on the imperfections in your family so you may cherish what is precious.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Monday's Moment Videos, Relationships  Tags: , , , , ,
24
Feb
How to Keep People from Draining the Peace Out of Your Day-Part 2

597241_troubledPeople can drain the peace out of your day if you let them. Can you think of one person whose presence you could have done without lately—at least for a while? Irritating relationships can make room for the Holy when you keep a few self-care practices in place.

In Part 1 of this discussion, we focused on responding to negative people intrusions in our day. Today we’ll look at healthy boundaries and self-talk when handling the needs of others.

Which of the following people draining situations apply to you?

1. Your boss drops a file full of paperwork on your desk and wants it completed today—along with everything else in your overflowing to-do box.

2. Your teenager is the star attraction in Hormones on Steroids and gives you free tickets for a front row seat.

3. Your sister focuses her Nikon microscope on your life and feels responsible to inform you of everything you are doing wrong and why you need to change—right now.

4. Your good friend is going through a divorce and wants to talk with you every night.

5. Other: _________________________________ Fill in the blank with your latest example of a “people drain.”

All of the situations above require your attention, but not your emotional peace. Responsibility, compassion, and respect for others remain necessary to maintain healthy relationships and walk in love. However, the demands of people do not have to dominate your thoughts or time.

One of the difficult things I am learning requires setting aside whatever is bothering me after giving it a certain amount of mental and physical attention. It is not my job to change people, their situations, or their feelings. Nor do I have to get sucked into their emotional drama or expectations.

Let’s review the above statements and see how to respond with healthy self-talk.

1. I will accomplish what I can of the paperwork required of me. However, if it is more than I can reasonably accomplish, I will say so and leave the unfinished paperwork until tomorrow. I will enjoy my evening and not feel guilty or pressured to “bring the job home with me.” I have a life separate from work and I intend to keep it that way.

2. My teenager may currently be difficult to live with, but it will not do either of us any good for me to get emotionally involved in his latest crisis. If I am calmly relying on the Lord, I can give wise counsel as needed or I can listen quietly. I do not have to solve my teenager’s issues, but I can pray and point him in the direction of the One who solves my problems.

3. My sister loves me and for that I am grateful. However, my life is mine, not hers. I am responsible for me. She is not. I will set a time limit to listen to her comments and conclude our time together with, “Thank you for sharing. Your comments are noted and I will review them with the Holy Spirit.”

After I have sincerely prayed, I will follow any directions the Spirit Holy has given me, leave the rest of my sister’s comments with the Lord, and not carry around the conversation in my head.

4. My friend may be going through a very difficult situation, but it is her situation—not mine. I will help her with some of her troubles, although I am not going to give up my family time on a daily basis. It feels good to be needed and I want to be a good Christian, yet I know that only God can be her real source for comfort and wisdom. I will be careful to not take over his job. I will continually pray for her as I guide her towards the Lord.

Learning good mental boundaries helps set limits on what we do with our time and emotional energy. This is one way to maintain the Lord’s peace in our lives and be truly available to others.

How do you separate yourself from people who are draining your peace, yet still need a caring response? What self-talk examples can you add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Brain overhaul, Daily, Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , ,
15
Feb
Blood on the Pew

592160_knife_in_hand__8I noticed blood on the pew the other day. War between brothers is a biblical principle—at least from Genesis to Revelation. Not that offense is godly, but it is a trait found in the Scriptures and in our churches.

Human beings are not the first to leave a fellowship because of offense. Lucifer beat us to it; he became offended at God. A rebellion ensued in heaven and one-third of the angels received the right boot of fellowship along with Lucifer.

Conflict seems to be a part of the package of any good church. I believe God guides us to situations where we will have every opportunity to take up an offense. Those that learn to process offense and conflict correctly should end up as leaders in God’s House (see 1 Corinthians 11:17-19). Unfortunately, few churches follow this guideline for choosing leadership, which results in more problems. 

I’m not implying that no one should ever leave a church because of issues with other people or with the leadership. No, occasionally leaving is a healthy option. Sometimes a departure is necessary for all to grow. I would add, however, that staying is often necessary for all to grow.

Did you know that every healthy human body has a multitude of germs dwelling within its blood and tissues? As long as the germs can’t dominate the atmosphere of the body, the health of the body is ensured.

It isn’t the absence of germs or offense that creates health in a church fellowship, but the ability to fight off offense and walk in love. The basic antidote is found in 1 Corinthians chapter 13.

In his book, Everybody’s Normal Till You Get to Know Them, John Ortberg states, “The early church was not a place where conflict didn’t exist. It was a place where people were committed and accountable to manage conflict well.”

So why do we assume it is the other guy that needs to cope with conflict well? Why do most of us embrace offense instead of process it? How many people do you know who no longer attend church because of being offended? I’d like to hear your point of view.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

For more reading on the subject of offense, check out the chapters called “Ouch—That Hurt!” and “Sheep Bite, but Shepherds Barbecue” in my book, Help, I’m Stuck With These People for the Rest of Eternity!

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Category: Personal growth, Relationships  Tags: , , , , , , ,
03
Feb
5 Things I’ve Learned About Mistakes

1133804_sign_success_and_failureMaking a mistake doesn’t have to define us. Yet, as a counselor, I talk to many people who interpret themselves by their mistakes. Others are quick to hold a spouse, child or co-worker hostage to long ago failures.

Some of us wear mistake-colored glasses that determine the clarity with which we see the world around us. God, however, views us through different lenses. We need to put on our God glasses when it comes to failures. Here are 5 things I’ve learned about making a mistake in the Backward Kingdom.

1.  God never looks at my mistake as though I am the mistake. He has the amazing ability to separate people from their actions. His love for me never ceases and is not altered by my faults.

2.  The stain some mistakes leave on me and others is wiped clean when I seek forgiveness from God and from those involved in my fiascos. The memory of the failure may remain, but the stain is gone from my soul.

3.  Mistakes are opportunities for learning and growth. How can I grow if I don’t fail? How will I know where I need adjusting if I am always faultless? Mistakes become trophies when used to grow me into the person God is calling me to be.

4.  Mistakes are simply missed—takes, which means the next time I face a similar situation, I can take a different response than the one I chose this time.

5.  Every leader has a long track record of mistakes trailing behind him. Apparently it is part of the qualifying process in becoming a leader. Check your Bible for a list of such leaders and join the ranks of those who reign in the Backward Kingdom.

Here are some questions to ponder: What have you learned from your mistakes? What have you learned from your successes? How can something be considered a success unless there is the potential for failure in the mix? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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Category: Personal growth, Relationships, The Backward Kingdom  Tags: , , , , , , ,
01
Feb
Chatting About “A Million Miles in a Thousand Years” by Donald Miller

_140_245_Book_83_coverDonald Miller’s new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years—What I Learned While Editing My Life, begins with this pointed comment, “The truth is, if what we choose to do with our lives won’t make a story meaningful, it won’t make a life meaningful either.”

Ouch! If you’re like me, I often think my life story wouldn’t even make a lousy “B” movie.

The premise of this book is that making your life count isn’t about what you accomplish, but about embracing your challenges; and if you have no worthy obstacles, find some. Difficulties, says Miller, are designed to change you. If you ignore, tolerate, or avoid problems, you’re missing the point of a life well lived and a story well told.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years takes you through Miller’s own story of embracing and conquering his difficulties, some chosen, others thrust upon him. Along the way, you’ll cry, laugh, and even curse yourself for reading this book, because now you’ll realize you need to do something about your life. And it won’t be comfortable.

Well written, thoughtful, and very humorous, this is one book I will buy for my children and friends—if I loan it out, I might not get it back!

Read it yet? If not, why not? Do you have any contemplative musings or radical ravings about this book? How has it impacted your life? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

For more information on this book, click here.

(I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review and the opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”)
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