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Recently I visited my cousin Polly and stepped into the spacious bathroom that once belonged to Grandma Chris. Close by was Grandpa Ivan’s bathroom—connected by a little room where the toilet reigned. The scent of lavender was gone, but since Polly lives in this old adobe ranch house, she has maintained the rustic, yet rich, feel of the 50 year old place.

Grandma’s bathroom caught my attention because it instantly brought back memories of how Grandma honored herself and the life she had been given. This bathroom was totally hers. One of my favorite memories is taking a bubble bath with lavender soap and scrubbing my nails with her little nail brush. I haven’t seen one of those nail brushes in years, but there was always one at Grandma’s, and you always scrubbed your nails while taking a lavender bubble bath. 

I’ve thought a lot about honor after having celebrated 35 years of ministry in the same church and honoring the lives of my parents as each transitioned from earth to Home. We tend to honor other people with appropriate cards and gifts at certain times of the year and especially at their death. But how often do we take the time to honor ourselves and the life God has given us?

I’m not talking about excuses for self indulgence or vanities, but simple, honest ways of honoring the special gifts that God has placed within the life we each live and the person we have become. When we honor something about ourselves, we are saying, “This is good about me and my life. I’m going to take care of it, treasure it, and enjoy it. Thank you, Lord, for creating me.”

I honor who I am by getting my hair cut and colored. I’ve always been a red head and have decided that I will follow my mother’s lead and get my hair done on a regular basis. My mother never missed her weekly appointment with the hair dresser until the week she died. She was the softest, sweetest, little old silver haired woman I’ve ever known.

So, being thankful for the head of hair I have, I keep a regular monthly appointment with my awesome hair stylist, Kris. In this way, I honor the God who gave me something special—my hair. (And yes, I do know that someday I will have to switch to gray, but that time has not yet come.)

My husband, Tom, heads to the gym three times a week. Sometimes he swims. Often he endures the treadmill and weights. This ritual is one of his ways to honor the life God has given him.

How do you honor who you are and the life God has given you? What is there about your life that says, “This is good about me. I’m going to take care of it, treasure it, and enjoy it”? What will your grandchildren remember about the way you honored the person God created you to be and the life you lived as a result?

Your thoughts, answers, comments and lavender soap are encouraged. Leave the former in the comment section below and save the lavender soap for my next birthday. 

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

597241_troubledPeople can drain the peace out of your day if you let them. Can you think of one person whose presence you could have done without lately—at least for a while? Irritating relationships can make room for the Holy when you keep a few self-care practices in place.

In Part 1 of this discussion, we focused on responding to negative people intrusions in our day. Today we’ll look at healthy boundaries and self-talk when handling the needs of others.

Which of the following people draining situations apply to you?

1. Your boss drops a file full of paperwork on your desk and wants it completed today—along with everything else in your overflowing to-do box.

2. Your teenager is the star attraction in Hormones on Steroids and gives you free tickets for a front row seat.

3. Your sister focuses her Nikon microscope on your life and feels responsible to inform you of everything you are doing wrong and why you need to change—right now.

4. Your good friend is going through a divorce and wants to talk with you every night.

5. Other: _________________________________ Fill in the blank with your latest example of a “people drain.”

All of the situations above require your attention, but not your emotional peace. Responsibility, compassion, and respect for others remain necessary to maintain healthy relationships and walk in love. However, the demands of people do not have to dominate your thoughts or time.

One of the difficult things I am learning requires setting aside whatever is bothering me after giving it a certain amount of mental and physical attention. It is not my job to change people, their situations, or their feelings. Nor do I have to get sucked into their emotional drama or expectations.

Let’s review the above statements and see how to respond with healthy self-talk.

1. I will accomplish what I can of the paperwork required of me. However, if it is more than I can reasonably accomplish, I will say so and leave the unfinished paperwork until tomorrow. I will enjoy my evening and not feel guilty or pressured to “bring the job home with me.” I have a life separate from work and I intend to keep it that way.

2. My teenager may currently be difficult to live with, but it will not do either of us any good for me to get emotionally involved in his latest crisis. If I am calmly relying on the Lord, I can give wise counsel as needed or I can listen quietly. I do not have to solve my teenager’s issues, but I can pray and point him in the direction of the One who solves my problems.

3. My sister loves me and for that I am grateful. However, my life is mine, not hers. I am responsible for me. She is not. I will set a time limit to listen to her comments and conclude our time together with, “Thank you for sharing. Your comments are noted and I will review them with the Holy Spirit.”

After I have sincerely prayed, I will follow any directions the Spirit Holy has given me, leave the rest of my sister’s comments with the Lord, and not carry around the conversation in my head.

4. My friend may be going through a very difficult situation, but it is her situation—not mine. I will help her with some of her troubles, although I am not going to give up my family time on a daily basis. It feels good to be needed and I want to be a good Christian, yet I know that only God can be her real source for comfort and wisdom. I will be careful to not take over his job. I will continually pray for her as I guide her towards the Lord.

Learning good mental boundaries helps set limits on what we do with our time and emotional energy. This is one way to maintain the Lord’s peace in our lives and be truly available to others.

How do you separate yourself from people who are draining your peace, yet still need a caring response? What self-talk examples can you add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

In Him together, Susan Gaddis

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